


Confessions of the Clinically Depressed

by TheUsualSuspect



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 03:40:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7027030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUsualSuspect/pseuds/TheUsualSuspect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pretty much a smut fic. <br/>After Niall had pushed everyone out of his life that ever meant anything to him, Liam comes knocking on his door in hope of restoring their friendship. It turns into something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions of the Clinically Depressed

**Author's Note:**

> My first smut fic, please be fair judges of my work. There isn't really a storyline- you've been warned.

Confessions of the Clinically Depressed

I'm sick of people saying that pain is temporary, I know they mean that it doesn't last forever, but in the time that it does last; that time feels like forever. They say it so that you know it's okay to feel the way you do, but really what they're saying is 'I'm sorry that we can't help you'. Pain may be temporary, but for that time when you feel non-existent and that life is better without yours, that can feel like an eternity. When you feel so empty that you think that EVERYTHING except your pain is temporary. Happiness is temporary, love is temporary, joy is temporary, belonging is temporary, hope is temporary. In those moments where you feel elated for one second before you realise that it's fading, that it's not there- it's fake, and your pain is real. That time feels like your life. Your only being. The one existence that you had... Ever. Clinical depression is not feeling sad all the time, if it were then I would spend all my time crying, instead I spend all my time trying not to let anyone ruin my walls. Clinical depression is having no motivation to move on in life, it's losing the ability to actually give a shit about anything. Got a 'D' on a test paper... Doesn't matter; got a lunch time detention... Doesn't matter; Grandma died... She's probably in a better place. Clinical depression is trying so hard to tell people that you aren't fine that you decide not to bother them with your problems, if you're irrelevant to them, then they probably wouldn't care that you're about to go skydiving from a bridge with no parachute. This pain may be temporary, but the pit I'm falling into is so fucking deep that maybe soon I'll land and be so numb that the pain subsides. I want to escape the land of 'temporary'. The land where everything only lasts a while. Death isn't temporary, once you're dead, that's it. It's not a video game there's no start over, revive from last check point. Once you're dead, you are gone. There is no coming back. Death isn't temporary. It is the only thing that I am sure isn't temporary, it's the loophole, granted an evil and vicious one at that, but nevertheless the one way I'm sure that I find something that is definite. Something that isn't temporary. 

The unfortunate way of how his head worked. The combination of undiagnosed depressive anxiety, and general anxiety and clinical depression medication that counteracted each other. The doctors clearly hadn't thought that through at all. It left Niall in an unfortunate position that had his mind forcing him to push everyone away. Including Liam

Especially Liam. 

Niall had confessed all of this to Liam, but instead of telling him that everything would be okay or that it really was only temporary he lifted Niall's chin and looked him in the eye.   
"I didn't know that, fuck. I didn't even have a clue," he looked down at their hands intertwined on the couch, took a breath and looked back up, "my love for you isn't temporary."   
Niall blushed, he did that a lot, "Thanks Liam," he said with a shaky breath, "but even the best friendships are only temporary," he looked down again.  
That wasn't how Liam had meant it. He wanted more than a friendship from Niall. God, he'd wanted Niall for years. Ever since he'd seen the boy from across the quad. He'd been drawn to the bleached- blond hair and lip ring. Had of it been some crazy porno he would've fucked Niall at that very instant, but this was reality and not some crazy porno, so he'd kept it in his pants. 

Liam enveloped Niall in a hug, running the thumb of his free hand up and down the back of his neck.   
"Ni," Liam started, "I know this may not be the ideal time and I know it makes me seem insensitive because you've just opened up so much to me, but I have something I need to tell you," he whispered next to his ear.   
"Mm," Niall replied, "you can tell me what it is."   
"I love you as much more than a friend," he admitted.  
Niall looked back up at Liam, "Oh."  
"Yeah," he said defeatedly, "I really am one for timing."  
"I thought you loved Sophia," he replied.  
"'Loved'. Past tense," Liam said which actually made Niall look up, "We have been over for a month now. You would know that if you picked up the phone."   
"I'm sorry, I just..." he pulled a shaky hand up to wipe fresh tears away.  
"I know," Liam said taking Niall's shaky hand and softly wiping the tears.   
His touch excited Niall, it spread a long sought out warmth through his face and Liam swore he saw Niall let out the ghost of a smile.   
"Can we try something?" Niall asked.  
Liam nodded.   
Niall leaned in taking Liam's lips into his own, carefully brushing their lips together before pulling away.   
Liam's tongue slipped out to brush past his lips, they were humming. Liam smiled before asking, "kiss me again."  
Niall's face lit up in a glow he hadn't seen in months. He leant forward again to capture Liam's lips in his own. They both tried to keep it slow, but the built up tension meant that it wasn't going to happen, Niall was sure of this when Liam's tongue brushed slowly over his bottom lip. Oh God! It felt so good. Niall took control, he needed something he could control. He rose up on his knees and pressed his tongue into Liam's mouth with a feeble attempt at hiding a moan. Liam became slightly possessive as he grabbed Niall's arms and pushed him down onto the couch so that he was lying on top. Their tongues touched and they both let out loud moans. Niall pushed his lips against Liam's harder, aware that he could probably feel his lip ring leaving a mark on his lips. Liam licked the roof of Niall's mouth and he felt heat rush to his lower regions and his fingers dig deeper into Liam's back. Liam began to grind his hips in Niall's, which elicited another incoherent noise to leak from Niall's mouth, just before Liam took the other boy's lip ring into his mouth and started sucking on it with a feverish passion. Niall was arching his back in a desperate attempt to increase the pressure against his crotch.   
Liam pulled back slightly, his lips hovering over Niall's neck, they brushed over his ear.  
"Do you want to stop?" He asked.  
"No."  
"Do you want to go further?" Liam asked with a slight hesitation.  
Niall was surprised at Liam's question. Did he want to go all the way? Yes, did he want it right now... He wasn't sure, and the pressure in his pants combined with Liam's hot breath on his neck wasn't allowing for thought. Neither of them were virgins, but it would be their first times with a guy.  
"Only if you're sure," he replied.  
In one second Niall was no longer on the lounge, but instead lying in Liam's arms as he walked into his bedroom. Liam set Niall down on the bed.  
"Do you have any-" Liam started.  
"Bottom drawer in the bathroom," Niall replied.  
He quickly ducked into the adjoining room looking through a drawer before coming back out with a tub of Vaseline and a condom. He put them on the bedside table and walked over to close the curtains, the last thing they wanted were the neighbors looking out and having a fright. Liam came back over and pulled his shirt off over his head discarding it on the ground as he straddled Niall's hips before resuming the long paused kiss and immediately re-initiated the tongue, whilst fiddling with the button on the blond's jeans until it finally came undone and he pulled back, for only a moment, to remove that article of clothing. He slipped his hand into Niall's boxers and grabbed at his length, taking note of how hard he already was. He noticed Niall's breathing hitched as he wrapped a hand around his cock and slowly started jerking him off. Niall let his eyes close and his mind get wrapped into oblivion as he focused on the wonderful job Liam's hand was doing. He let out a small whimper as Liam took his hand away, only to find his lips soon on the side of his neck, trailing down the skin leaving tiny purple marks in the wake of his teeth. Niall's head rolled back.  
"God Li," he breathed, "I need you," he gulped in more breath, his head rolling around to pillow more, "I need you now."  
Liam detached his lips from the other boys neck, letting his hands wonder down to the hem of his shirt, pulling it off over his head and throwing it aside. Niall pressed a shaky hand onto Liam's bare chest, where he slowly let it trail down to his pants button.  
Liam gently pressed his forehead against Niall's, kissing the top of his nose before stripping his pants and boxers off. He leaned back down connecting their lips again, slowly teasing, until he pulled away and reached for the items on the nightstand.  
He slicked up his fingers and turned back to the other boy who was quickly discarding his boxers. Their mouths met again in a clash of lips before Liam's fingers danced around Niall's hole, before slowly slipping one finger in. Causing Niall to pull his head back and drag Liam's bottom lip out with his teeth. He moaned and it made him even harder, causing him to hastily insert a second finger. Niall drew a sharp breath, so Liam gave him a minute to adjust before he carefully removed them both, before plunging all three back into him. They kissed softly and slowly, savoring this moment. Just letting themselves attempt to relax for a few seconds before they fucked each other into oblivion. Liam withdrew his fingers and drew himself off of Niall for just enough time to rid his underpants and pull himself into a condom. He leaned back in and kissed Niall's forehead, pulling back to pull Niall into his lap as he positioned himself.   
He slowly pushed his way into Niall, eliciting a slight whimper of pain from him, before he found his teeth latching onto Liam's shoulder. It was hard enough to leave a mark, but still soft and tender. After giving Niall a few minutes to adjust once he was all the way in, he slowly pulled out, and then pushed back in, feeling Niall's teeth bite down harder on his shoulder as he suppressed a moan. He pulled out further this time, and pushed back in harder.   
"Liam," he moaned, "Oh god!" he cried as he was thrust into once more.   
Liam kept his pace steady once he found the sweet spot, and drove it in there every time. Niall didn't need to do anything, he could barely move, he was putty in his hands. He just stayed there letting Liam work his magic to drive them both over the edge. They may not have spoken in a month, but right now, that didn't matter. The only thing that did was the mind numbing feeling of pleasure when Liam hit his sweet spot, as he grabbed his cock and continued jerking him off. They were both making incoherent noises, and although they had closed the door and window, the room wasn't sound proof. Had of Niall had a coherent thought he would have been concerned about his next encounters with his neighbors, but as he came closer and closer to the edge, with his senses ruling his mind, it really wasn't of his concern.   
Liam could feel Niall getting tighter and tighter around him, and all it took was one more thrust until he came, sloppily trying to get Niall to hit his high, whilst riding out his own. Niall kissed Liam's nose before he finally came, smearing the substance onto both of their chests.   
Tiredly, Liam leaned back in for another kiss; a soft and tender kiss.   
They were both exhausted, but in desperate need of a shower. That could always come later, but for now came sleep. Liam pulled back from Niall's lips, and let their foreheads rest together, Liam removed himself from Niall and discarded the used condom.  
"I'm tired Li," Niall mumbled.  
"Me too love," he replied, "just let me clean us up," he said getting up off the bed. He went into the bathroom and returned with a box of tissues and then proceeded to clean the both of them, before snuggling down next to Niall, and pulling the covers over them.  
"Thank you for stopping over today," Niall said.  
"I'm really glad I did."  
"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you anything sooner, and I'm sorry that I pushed you away."  
"I would never give up on you," Liam confessed.   
"I'm glad you didn't."


End file.
